A new daily series exploring what it means to truly listen.
There's a distinction I make in every class I teach, and it changes how students think about communication forever:
Listening is not the same as hearing.
Hearing is passive. It's the sound waves hitting your eardrums. It happens whether you want it to or not. Right now, you're hearing the hum of your refrigerator, the distant traffic, the ambient noise of wherever you are. You didn't choose it. It just is.
Listening is active. It's a choice. It requires focus, intention, and here's the part we often forget, it requires preparation.
The Courtroom Test
I often ask my students to imagine a courtroom. In healthy, progressive legal systems, there's a fundamental right: the right to be heard. Not just the right to speak—the right to be truly heard by others who are actively listening.
Think about that distinction. Anyone can talk. We do it constantly, filling air with words. But being heard? That's rare. That's sacred. That's the gift we give when we choose to listen.
When someone is heard, really heard, something shifts. They stand a little taller. Their voice strengthens. They feel valued, seen, worthy of attention. In a courtroom, being heard can mean justice. In a classroom, it can mean discovery. In a relationship, it can mean healing.
The 45% We Ignore
Here's a sobering statistic: Adults spend about 45% of their communication time listening. That's more than speaking (30%), reading (16%), or writing (9%) combined.
Yet how much time did we spend learning to listen? We had years of reading instruction. We wrote countless papers. We gave speeches. But listening? Most of us just assumed we knew how.
We don't.
Tomorrow's Lesson
Over the next weeks, I'll share specific skills that transform hearing into listening. We'll explore what it means to:
Stop talking (harder than it sounds)
Prepare your mind and body for a listening experience
Focus on the speaker and this moment
Make someone feel like the most important person in the world
Today, I want you to notice the difference.
Pay attention to when you're merely hearing, sound washing over you while you think about your response, your to-do list, your own stories. Then notice those rare moments when you truly listen, when someone has your full attention and they know it.
The question for today: Who needs the gift of being heard from you?
Not just hearing their words while you scroll your phone or plan your reply. Listening, leaning in, making eye contact, being fully present with them in that moment.
It might be a student struggling to articulate a question. An athlete trying to explain why they're off their game. A colleague dealing with something difficult. Your child telling you about their day.
The gift of being heard costs you nothing but attention. And it might change everything.
What's one moment this week when you felt truly heard? Or when you wish someone had really listened to you? Share in the comments, I'm listening.
Next in the series: "Listening Lesson #2: Stop Talking (Yes, Really)"
Dr. Tom Lobaugh teaches communication, listening, and ethics at Boise State University, coached high school track and field for 15 years, and is completing his PhD in Psychology with an emphasis in Performance. Learn more about his work in hospitality, humor research, and leadership at tomlobaugh.com