The hardest skill in listening is also the first one
Mute. Zip it. Shush. Stop talking.
Cork it. Can it. Hush your face.
Shut it. Silence. Not a word. Close your pie hole.
Hold your tongue. Pipe down. Keep mum.
I wrote that poem for my listening classes because it makes students laugh and then makes them uncomfortable. Because here's the truth we all know but hate to admit:
The biggest obstacle to listening is our own mouth.
The Interruption Epidemic
Count how many times you interrupt someone today. Not aggressive interruptions—those are easy to spot. I'm talking about the subtle ones:
Finishing someone's sentence because you "know what they mean"
Jumping in with "Oh, that reminds me of when I..."
Offering solutions before they've finished explaining the problem
Making affirming sounds that are really just you waiting for your turn
We do this constantly. We think we're being helpful, engaged, collaborative. We're actually stealing the speaker's moment.
Why We Can't Shut Up
There are psychological reasons we struggle with silence:
We're uncomfortable with pauses. Silence feels awkward, so we fill it. But pauses are where thinking happens, where the speaker gathers their thoughts, where meaning emerges.
We want to prove we understand. Jumping in with our own story feels like connection: "I get you! This happened to me too!" But what the speaker hears is: "Enough about you, let's talk about me."
We're preparing our response. While they're talking, we're mentally rehearsing what we'll say next. We're hearing words, but we're not listening to meaning.
We think we already know. The speaker gets three words in and we've diagnosed the problem, formulated the solution, and we're just waiting for them to finish so we can share our brilliance.
The Athletic Lesson
I learned this the hard way as a track coach.
A high jumper came to me mid-season, clearly frustrated. She started to explain what was wrong with her approach, and I immediately jumped in—I'd seen the problem in practice, I knew exactly what to fix, I had the solution ready.
She went quiet. Nodded. Walked away.
Her jumping got worse.
Two weeks later, I tried again. This time, I shut up. I asked her what she was experiencing and then, this was the hard part, I closed my mouth and listened. Really listened. For three full minutes, I didn't say a word.
What she needed to tell me had nothing to do with her approach steps. It was about fear. About a bad landing earlier in the season. About how her body tensed up at a specific moment because she was protecting herself from a repeat injury.
I would never have known if I hadn't stopped talking.
She went on to win the district championship.
The Practice
Here's your challenge for today: Have one conversation where you don't interrupt. Not once.
Choose someone, a colleague, student, family member, friend. Ask them a genuine question. Then: Stop. Talking.
Don't finish their sentences
Don't jump in with your story
Don't offer solutions unless they ask
Let pauses happen
Focus entirely on their words, their tone, their body language
It will feel unnatural. You'll want to contribute. Your brilliant insights will be burning in your brain. Hold your tongue.
What Silence Creates
When you truly stop talking, something remarkable happens: The speaker goes deeper. They move past the surface answer to what they actually need to say. They process as they speak. They trust you with more vulnerable truths.
And you? You learn things you never would have known. You understand in ways that weren't possible when your mouth was running.
Mute. Zip it. Shush. Stop talking.
It's the first skill in listening. It's also the hardest.
Your turn: Tell me about a time when someone really let you speak without interruption. How did it feel? What did you share that you might not have if they'd jumped in sooner?
Tomorrow: "Listening Lesson #3: Breathe (The Forgotten Preparation)"
Dr. Tom Lobaugh teaches communication, listening, and ethics at Boise State University, where his listening seminars are known for making people uncomfortable in the best possible way. His former high jumpers will tell you: Coach Tom knew when to talk and when to shut up. Learn more at tomlobaugh.com